The Boulder Valley News was printed
in Bugtown (later, Valmont) Colorado,
but the Boulderites had no newspaper of their own.
So they connived to steal it, typesetter and all.
Jealousy can be a powerful motivator
Boulder used the only drawing card it had–
(besides the absence of bedbugs)
there were not one, but two, saloons in town,
both well-stocked with Taos Lightning.
Who knew what was in that stuff and who cared?
You could get lit and stay lit for days.
Now this typesetter, name of Scout,
loved anything in the shape of liquor,
so he was a steady customer, and he would hit
the diagonal soon as the paper was put to bed.
One December night, while Scout was up on the bar,
showing off his buck-and-wing, a wagon passed outside.
It was loaded to the gills with paper, a printing press
and a storefront-sized sign. You can guess the inscription.
That sight sobered him up pretty quick.
But he was an adaptable fellow. He went
where the work was. Boulder’s first daily
came out the next week, and Scout soon learned
that bedbugs ain’t particular where they live.